T'hy'la
by ToxicGalaxy
Summary: Jim is sick of hiding his feelings so he decides to tell Spock. SLASH of course. One-shot. No flames, please.


I don't own Star Trek, obviously.

If I did, I'd be a little... ahem... busy with Spock. I wouldn't be writing, that's for sure.

* * *

The halls were empty except for the sounds of a captain's unsure movements.

Never had he felt so self conscious.

He was the intergalactic playboy, afterall, right?

But this was different. This truly, deeply, mattered. If this didn't work out, everything would fall apart.

And that's not just melodramatics- it's the truth.

His friendships, captaincy, his whole way of life could be altered by a simple confession.

But he felt it was worth it.

He could no longer hold in the pain, the ache, that he felt when he was laying alone in bed at night.

When they were on a mission and their hands would brush, or their shoulders, it was a bittersweet torture.

The second they met it was like lightening.

Heat, energy, and an explosive reaction.

The didn't like each other at first, but slowly they melted.

Now days it was hard to discern where one ended and the other began.

They held no secrets now- none except one.

The biggest one.

His pace slowed as he rounded the corner, Spock's room in sight.

Unsure of where to go, what to do.

His forehead wrinkled in stress, eyes nervous.

Tapping into his stores of confidence that he used on missions, he surged through Spock's door.

The confidence didn't last long.

Not once those eyes turned upcast, met with his own.

"Captain. I wasn't expecting you."

Spock rises from his meditation position, walks closer. Jim can practically feel the Vulcan's heartbeat pulse between them.

"It's just a... personal visit. I needed to speak with you privately."

Silence for a moment.

"What did you need to speak with me about, Jim?"

"Listen, Spock, I don't know how to say what I need to say. I just know I need to say it..."

"Is something wrong? Are you ill?"

"No, everything is fine."

"I'm relieved. Now, Jim, if nothing is wrong then you shouldn't have a problem telling me whatever it is you feel the need to."

"Spock, be honest with me about something. Have you ever loved someone? And don't give me any of that Vulcan run around about not having emotions."

"Yes. I love my mother. I feel there's no use in denying that to you. How does this pertain to what you have to tell me?"

"Everything. What do you feel for me?"

"I'm not sure I understand."

"How do you feel about me? You've called me your friend. But that isn't a feeling. How do you feel about me?"

Obviously taken aback, Spock furrows his brows and exhales deeply.

"I cannot answer that question."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not sure of the answer. My... feelings are odd, different. Muddled. But strong. It's not a comfortable situation for one so used to control as I am. I have not analyzed them deeply enough to make an opinion on them."

"Spock, for once, don't worry about the feelings. Don't try to figure them out. Just FEEL. Things don't have to be complicated unless we make them that way."

"I feel... close. I want to... protect you." He struggled to put words to the foreign feelings. Jim had never seen Spock this way, he seemed almost as nervous as himself. It was comforting.

"I feel the same, Spock, but I feel more too."

"More, Jim?"

Gathering all his courage, he leaned forward and slid his hand into Spock's and rubbed. Spock's hand practically vibrated under his touch, the nerves jumping as if they were salmon in a stream.

Jim's eyes slowly slid up to meet Spock's, and found them to be half lidded and his mouth slightly agape. Tingles ran down Jim's spine at the sight.

"Spock..." he whispered, bringing his face close to the Vulcan.

"Jim..."

Their lips met with a clash of colors and sensations. Their hands twisted into each other's. Their bodies pressed against each other.

Years of repressed feelings surfacing.

Pressure everywhere.

Heat.

Pulling back for air, Jim smiles up at Spock, brushing a hand against his cheek.

"That was what I meant by more. I want you, Spock. Everything. If I could crawl into your skin with you I would. I want to breathe my last breath with you by my side."

"While not possible to share a body in that sense, we _can_ be one."

Jim nuzzled his face into Spock's, whispering his consent.

As the meld came and went, as breaths hitched, clothes were discarded, and kisses were shared, Spock finally allowed himself to feel the special brand of love that had been ignored in his heart for so long.

The love for his T'hy'la.


End file.
